{"id":2516,"date":"2011-08-26T16:42:27","date_gmt":"2011-08-26T16:42:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/?page_id=2253"},"modified":"2020-07-08T18:51:28","modified_gmt":"2020-07-09T01:51:28","slug":"dealing-with-behavior-problems-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/attitudes-and-behaviors\/dealing-with-behavior-problems-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Behavior Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In order to overcome behavior problems, we first need to know that God understands our predicament. He must! The Bible He gave us is so realistic about the human condition. A part of us wants to do what is right, but we go ahead and do what we know is wrong anyway.<\/p>\n<p>An important question for us to consider is, what causes us to do wrong?<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7639\" src=\"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems.jpg 800w, https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/BCI-Behavior-Problems-600x600.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>The Blame Game<\/h2>\n<p>If we listen to the \u201cexperts\u201d or even to the ordinary folk we live with every day, we hear many different explanations for why people do bad things. What most of these explanations have in common is a tendency to say that the behavior is not really the fault of the one who does it.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you have a problem with rage? Maybe you can lay the responsibility for it at the feet of your father, who mistreated you when you were a kid.<\/li>\n<li>Do you feel a desire to engage in sex with persons of your own gender? It might be that you have a \u201cgay gene.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Do you steal things? Maybe the fault lies less with you than with a society that stacks the deck against the poor.<\/li>\n<li>Do you drink too much? It could be that you have alcoholism disease.<\/li>\n<li>Do you have a hatred for men? Maybe it is all due to the date rape you suffered when you were younger.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>We do not mean to make light of the hardships that people endure\u2014not in the least. Victims of abuse and misfortune deserve our concern and support. And we should recognize that they really do have to deal with the consequences of what has been done to them through no fault of their own.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, we do mean to point out the ways that people tend to shift some, if not all, of the blame for their behavior problem away from themselves. This all-too-human tendency goes back to the first couple, for when God tried to get Adam and Eve to fess up to the fruit-eating incident, Adam blamed Eve\u2014and Eve blamed the serpent!\u00b9<\/p>\n<p>The practice of blaming bad behavior on a variety of factors other than sin is certainly understandable\u2014who would not like to avoid responsibility for their behavior problems if they could? But it is an unfortunate manifestation of the sinful nature nevertheless.<\/p>\n<p>In some instances, the blame is completely misplaced. In other instances, the blaming does manage to identify a contributing factor to someone\u2019s poor behavior. But even in such cases, the contributing factor does not constitute the heart of the problem. The blaming misses what is really going on.<\/p>\n<p>Sadly, everyone loses at the blame game. Worst of all, blaming poor behavior on secondary factors results in a reliance upon solutions that do not work.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/attitudes-and-behaviors\/dealing-with-behavior-problems-2\/2\/\"><strong>Click here to continue reading abridged chapter 1: DEALING WITH BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<h6>\u00b9See Genesis 3:12-13.<\/h6>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h2>Coping or Cure?<\/h2>\n<p>People naturally seek treatments suitable to the causes they believe are driving their bad behavior. Today, people seem to rely most upon such methodologies as medical treatment, psychotherapy, and education.<\/p>\n<p>Coping skills like those offered by such treatments can be effective in the sense that they may squelch the conscience and help people feel better temporarily. But a <em>cure,<\/em> not coping, is what you want, is it not? Certainly a cure is what we want to help you find.\u00b2<\/p>\n<p>In <em>Soul Prescription<\/em> we refer to sin frequently as \u201csickness.\u201d But we do not mean by this that our sin is something for which we do not bear responsibility. We are not victims of our sin; we are the perpetrators. The analogy of sickness is useful because it describes the way our spiritual system becomes disordered through sin.<\/p>\n<p>We are not interested in helping you live with your problem\u2014we want you to be fundamentally transformed. And a cure like this is possible only if we get to the heart of the problem.<\/p>\n<p>Long ago, when Israel\u2019s prophets and priests failed to deal with the people\u2019s rebellion against God, the Lord said of these religious professionals,<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">&#8220;They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. &#8216;Peace, peace,&#8217; they say, when there is no peace.&#8221; \u2014Jeremiah 6:14, NIV<\/p>\n<p>Learning a lesson from this, we must do more than administer superficial treatments for our chronic behavior problems expressing our sinful nature. We cannot delude ourselves into thinking we are at a place of spiritual peace when actually war is raging in our hearts.<\/p>\n<p>As Jesus approached the end of His time on earth, He told His disciples, \u201cI am leaving you with a gift\u2014peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn\u2019t like the peace the world gives\u201d (John 14:27). In part, He was saying that there is a kind of worldly peace. This is the peace that can come through coping strategies that make us feel better for a while. But Jesus\u2019 peace is qualitatively different. It is based on real, heart-level change that can come only through the work of the Holy Spirit. In the words of one Old Testament prophet, \u201crighteousness will bring peace\u201d (Isaiah 32:17).<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, it is easy to mix up the two kinds of peace: worldly and godly.<\/p>\n<p>You may find that going to a counselor or a doctor will give you some relief or help you address contributing factors to your problems. But what we are doing with <em>Soul Prescription<\/em> is something much more basic and direct: we want to help you deal with the heart of your problem. And you know what that is. It is sin.<\/p>\n<p>Sin really is the heart of the problem, because in the end each of us is responsible for our own behavior. Regardless of the influences that may be acting upon us, sin is an act of the will. We choose to do what we know is wrong. As John Bunyan\u2014author of <em>The Pilgrim\u2019s Progress<\/em>\u2014said, \u201cThere is no way to kill a man\u2019s righteousness but by his own consent.\u201d This is true even when the sin has become habitual.<\/p>\n<p>We have to tell you (in case you do not already know) that it is never safe to try to live with a sin problem. Sin is like a cancer: it grows in seriousness over time. A little entertaining of lust, for example, can grow to encompass pornography use, adultery, and even crimes like rape. Furthermore, sin is like a contagion: it spreads from one person to another. If your problem is a quick temper, your lashing out at a coworker might cause her to overreact to her child at home. Then the child becomes upset and acts cruelly to a playmate. And so on.<\/p>\n<p>If you throw a rock in a still pond, the ripples spread out and gradually die away. But if you commit a sin, the ripples it sends out may not die out; they may continue spreading within your own life or the lives of those around you. The harm they can do is incalculable. Now, we ask you, is this not a good reason to seek real healing for your sin problem and not just learn to live with it?<\/p>\n<p><em>Soul Prescription<\/em> is not for people who want to dodge their sin problem or merely cover it up or make it better but not get rid of it. It is for people who are sick and tired of their sin problem and are filled with a drive to get rid of it once and for all. They are ready, at last, to say, \u201cI can\u2019t do this on my own. I need God\u2019s help to deal with my sin.\u201d This approach requires courage and faith, but it has the virtue of dealing with the real problem.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/attitudes-and-behaviors\/dealing-with-behavior-problems-2\/3\/\"><strong>Click here to continue reading abridged chapter 1: \u00a0DEALING WITH BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<h6>\u00b2In this book we use \u201ccure\u201d and \u201chealing\u201d interchangeably. Using either word, we are referring to a process that does not lead to sinless perfection (we all struggle with temptation) but most definitely can put an end to a sin problem.<\/h6>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h2>The Real Problem You Face<\/h2>\n<p>While society looks to DNA or abuse or social conditions as causes for bad behavior, the Bible gives a completely different explanation. Why is the world so messed up? Why do people hurt themselves and others? How can an evil tendency become so ingrained in us that we cannot seem to get rid of it no matter how hard we try? It is all because at the beginning of human history a change came over our race that marked us with sin.<\/p>\n<p>Read Genesis 2 and enjoy the picture of human beings who knew the delight of living in untroubled communion with God and nature. Linger over it, because it does not last for long. By the next chapter, we see how Adam and Eve chose to violate the one restriction God had placed upon them. As a result, God decreed that they and their descendants would struggle with sin and its consequences as a captured bird struggles in a net. \u201cBecause one person [Adam] disobeyed God, many people became sinners\u201d (Romans 5:19).<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes we will hear someone say, \u201cI believe human beings are basically good.\u201d Don\u2019t you believe it. A scan of the headlines should be enough to disabuse a person of this notion. Think of rape. Think of torture. Think of terrorism. In fact, think of your own troublesome sins. Paul had a realistic outlook on humanity:<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">&#8220;No one is good\u2014not even one. No one has real understanding; no one is seeking God. All have turned away from God; all have gone wrong.&#8221; \u2014Romans 3:10-12<\/p>\n<p>Human nature after Adam and Eve includes a bent toward wickedness that we can never straighten out on our own.<\/p>\n<p>When God formed a special nation on earth\u2014the Hebrews\u2014to advance His plan of redemption, He gave them tools for dealing with their sin problem. First, He gave them rules to live by, collectively known as the law. We find the law preserved still today in the first five books of the Bible. Second, he gave them guidelines for burning sacrifices on an altar as a symbolic means of expressing repentance and receiving forgiveness. But of course the deaths of lambs and goats could not really eliminate guilt; something more was needed.<\/p>\n<p>Enter the Lamb. \u201cHe is Jesus Christ, the one who pleases God completely. He is the sacrifice for our sins. He takes away not only our sins but the sins of all the world\u201d (1 John 2:1-2). Since we were unable to defeat sin on our own, God became one of us in the form of Jesus and took our sins upon Himself, paying the penalty for them on the cross.<\/p>\n<p>The forgiveness available in Christ does not, however, automatically go into effect. We must each individually climb off the throne of our lives and invite Christ to take His rightful place there. If you have never done this, you must do so if you ever want to be free of sin and be accepted by God. All it takes is a sincere prayer of confession and commitment to God. (For more information on becoming a Christian, go to: <a href=\"https:\/\/jesusonline.com\/receive-jesus\/begin-the-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">JesusOnline.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Once we are believers in Jesus Christ, God does a remarkable thing: He accepts Jesus Christ\u2019s righteousness as our righteousness. \u201cWe are made right in God\u2019s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins\u201d (Romans 3:22). That is how we can experience God\u2019s offer of forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>But of course, in practice we are not as righteous as Jesus. We sin. Usually it is like entering a revolving door: we first entertain the idea of sinning. This is the point of temptation. At this point we can choose to enter into the sin or to keep going around in the revolving door until we exit. All too often we choose to enter. This is where individual sins and sin habits start. \u201cTemptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires\u201d (James 1:14).<\/p>\n<p>Despite our failures, however, we can work at bringing our behavior into line with our position before God. \u201cDear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete purity\u201d (2 Corinthians 7:1).<\/p>\n<p>In this we have one great advantage: we are not at the mercy of sin like we were before our salvation. Why? Because \u201cthe power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin\u201d (Romans 8:2). To repeat: the power of sin over us is broken. It is a tiger with its teeth and claws removed.<\/p>\n<p>At the end of the American Civil War, some African Americans kept on living as slaves. In some cases, they had not heard about the Emancipation Proclamation, because at that time news spread slowly. In other, still sadder cases, they had heard about the ending of slavery, but they would not believe it at first. They were so used to the slavery system that they could not imagine themselves as free.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s similar to our position. We can be free from sin through the power of Christ if we will believe it\u2014and will act on our belief.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/attitudes-and-behaviors\/dealing-with-behavior-problems-2\/4\/\"><strong>Click here to continue reading abridged chapter 1: \u00a0DEALING WITH BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h2>The Answer<\/h2>\n<p>Repenting and turning to God for help are first steps toward the freedom from sin that we so desperately desire. But as we have said, that requires facing up to the fact that sin is at the heart of our problem. We have to come to grips with sin.<\/p>\n<p>Christians in earlier centuries identified what they called the \u201cseven deadly sins,\u201d namely anger, sloth, gluttony, envy, greed, lust, and pride.\u00b3 In <em>Soul Prescription,<\/em> we have done something similar in defining what we call \u201cparent sins.\u201d These are sins that seem to be widespread in the human population in every generation. If you will check out the list, chances are that you will find some of your own thoughts, attitudes, or behaviors reflected there.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, each of these ten parent sins is at the head of a family of sins. For example, along with the parent sin of pride, we find the related sins of conceit, boasting, and vanity. The sin families will help you zero in on your sin problems.<\/p>\n<p>For now, just begin thinking about how the different parent sins correlate with your own sin problem. Those are the areas where you will need to seek God\u2019s help to free you from the chains that bind you. And as you think about your sin, do not be discouraged! We are just beginning this journey of soul healing together. There is hope for you.<\/p>\n<p>Our next step, though, is to redirect our attention temporarily away from sin and onto its opposite: holiness.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/attitudes-and-behaviors\/the-secret-to-lasting-health\/\"><strong>Click here to read abridged chapter 2: \u00a0THE SECRET TO LASTING HEALTH.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<h6>\u00b3The list went through some modification over time, but it ended up with these seven elements. The list was not meant to identify the worst sins but rather the basic sins from which others arise\u2014similar to our concept of sin families.<\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In order to overcome behavior problems, we first need to know that God understands our predicament. He must! The Bible He gave us is so realistic about the human condition. A part of us wants to do what is right, but we go ahead and do what we know is wrong anyway. An important question [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"parent":1080,"menu_order":1,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"advgb_blocks_editor_width":"","advgb_blocks_columns_visual_guide":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"coauthors":[],"author_meta":{"author_link":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/author\/mary\/","display_name":"mary"},"relative_dates":{"created":"Posted 10 years ago","modified":"Updated 1 year ago"},"absolute_dates":{"created":"Posted on August 26, 2011","modified":"Updated on July 8, 2020"},"absolute_dates_time":{"created":"Posted on August 26, 2011 4:42 pm","modified":"Updated on July 8, 2020 6:51 pm"},"featured_img_caption":"","featured_img":false,"featured_image_src":null,"featured_image_src_square":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2516"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2516"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7942,"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2516\/revisions\/7942"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselinginsights.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}